The only way to know GOOD is to experience BAD!

AUGUST 20TH, 2009 AT 4:20. I will never that day. The sky was blue, and the sun radiant as ever. Such a wonderful day I thought to myself. The day soon ended, just like every other normal day.I came home from dance, and joined my brother as he was watching T.V on our couch. More like the T.V was on and he was playing a show in his mind. I begin to sit down, but before I do he turns his face towards me. His face hard as rock. "Sarah, something terrible happend." I go to open my mouth to ask what happend. He holds up his hand, and proceeds to talk. My mouth shuts, and I listen..

There was an accident..a few of Andrews Co-Workers were driving back from a work site .In front of them was a black car. The driver was on their cellphone and in their distraction from the road the black car veered across the yellow line into the other lane crashing into the side of a semi. Crushing the black car on impact. The semi driver tried to swerve out of the way, but in doing so he smashed into the work truck they had. It was carrying trailor. The cab of the truck was crushed, on impact and the work truck was jack-knifed. There was four people in the truck. I guess there was a off duty cop driving by seeing the entire thing. He pulled one victim from the truck, a 17 year old. He's in critical condition and they air-lifted him down to Ann Arbor. "What about the other three I ask..?" They..they didn't make it.

Tears fill my eyes~~~

The next day Hunter had more information and told me more------
The driver died first, they say. And it was Dan, the boss's younger brother. He's married, and EXPECTING! His wife is five months pregnant. And they were supposed to find out this weekend what the sex of the child is going to be.
Hunter stopped and looked down..then back up at me. He doesn't even get to know what his child is going to be. And the other two, ones seventeen, and the other eighteen. Both are brothers. The seventeen year old it was his second week working, and the eighteen year old, he recieved a scholarship and was going off to college the very next day. Sarah, it was the beginning of their end.
I'm having trouble taking this all in. Where is this Almighty God who is supposed to keep bad things from happening to good people. Esspecially the ones who have SO MUCH life ahead of them.WHY?
-Hunter finished telling me more than I needed to know. And giving me a lot think upon left my mind uneasy.

----That day August 20th 2009 at 4:20. My brother Andrew was working alone. He was supposed to go to the work site with the boys. But one had to work alone. And no one wanted to. So Andrew decided he would be kind as to volunteer to be the one who work by himself. While the other boys got in that truck with the trailor attached and drove to the worksite. My brother was going to be the one driving the work truck that day. But he didn't. He worked alone.
They say I should be thankful that it wasn't my brother in that truck. And believe me I am VERY thankful it wasn't my brother. But how selfish is that to think..? When there were four brothers in truck! What about them? Although they are no bioligical relation to me. I felt the pain as though they were my relations.I felt the pain of the now widow..who is expecting a child. Who had never imagined that that day her life would be forever changed.
**I play this little video in my mind that I'm that wife, waking up that day so happy I have a wonderful husband who loves me, and a amazing miracle growing inside me. "Goodmorning my love", as I smile. He says it back, we have no time for breakfast but promise to have a special dinner tonight. " I love you" I say as he leaves for work. " I love you too" We kiss and he drives away.....I making a special dinner for us..when I get a call..I drop to the floor**

And I play more in my head..Some that things were said wrong, or that there was a fight. And I guess the point of me playing these videos, was that something so terrible can happen to just regular people, And we never know when the day is going to be when were gone.
--So tell your loved ones that you love them each and every day. Because they can be taken away it's least expected--

Okay

I love my mother. She brought me into this world, so how can I not. Though my love for my mother is there, something else is missing. A friendship, and no communication. I've often struggled trying to fathom the idea of two people who are practically a part of eachother, can barely speak to the other. Let alone even look the other in the eye. It wasn't until recently that I came find the reason for our noexisting relationship with her. That I caused this distance. That when we hug the eachother it feels as thought there are a million seas between us two. Why did I let this happen. I have experience few hardships in my life. I needed her, they were unbearable. I knew though with her help I could get through anything. As long as she was there for guidance, and comfort. I tried recalling back to my childhood when my mom and me were very close. And on saturday mornings I would come into her room and crawl into bed with her, only to sleep the morning away together. I guess somewhere along my teenage years I forgot all of this. So just the other day I went into her room and crawled in her bed. She was surprized, we talked for hours about all my problems. We laughed together and cried together. She held me close, and kissed my forehead and told me it was going to be okay. And in that very moment everything was okay. Because I was there with my mother The piece I lost. And longed for. Today I got it back, and all is okay.

The Mysterious White Figure

Sitting on the backyard swing. Back and fourth, back and fourth I go. Singing the old playground rhyme "Teater Totter Black And Water Wash Your Face In Dirty Water". Looking to the right I see a figure. White in color. With the shape like a man. He is walking through my lawn. By the clothes line I remember. He stops, and his attention is now directed towards me. He moves just his head. And lets out the most sinister laugh.Hahaha..The sound was paralyzing. My heart started pounding like a big drum in a band. I'm stuck.Eventually my body breaks through the paralyzed statue it had become. I start to tremble, my knees feeling weak beneath me. I try and gain control of myself. While making a straight dash into the house. I look back to see my swing swaying by itself as if someone unseen was sitting there. The fear inside of me began to escalate. It's times like these when I wish my imagination wasn't so out there.I reach the front door, and I can feel my insides leap through before me as if not to waste another second. But the pull in my body to stay still and watch wins the fight. I look again and see him. This time he doesn't look, and he doesn't laugh. He just continues walking toward the blacktop and disapears into oblivion. And I have never seen him again. To this day it all remains a mystery to me. Of what I really did see. But what I do know is that I believe. The question is...do you?

Artifacts

There is a gold fish pin, with diamonds placed where the scales would be. The pin no longer closes, and it has lost most of the diamonds. But it still is such a beautiful pin. One which my mother gave me, her mother gave her, and so on. There is a story with this pin I'm sure. But it is a mystery to me. It's been in so many places unknown. Strange to think such a small gold fish pin could carry so much history with it. And it just baffles me to think that soon I will be the history carried down with it.And I will pass it down to my daughter. Then her daughter after. Will it be as special to them as it is to me? I have often thought to myself, that the pin has had its time on earth, and the heirloom will end with me. I could pass down something to my daughter that describes me. Whether it be a pair of dance shoes, jewelry, or a poem. Something she can remember me by. That she would appreciate more than this gold fish pin that has no meaning to her. Then again why stop such a lovely heirloom.So I will continue the process.And hope she loves it just as much as I did when I first recieved it.

Boundaries

Beds of assorted flowers surround this creme colored one story home.Tall white pines stand strong at the entrance of the house as if they were guarding it. A red brick walkway leads up to the house through the two tall trees. At the end you'll find a dark green door, and inside is where my story begins. For seventeen years I have lived here. When my parents brought me home from the hospital my room was then the living room. My crib was at the end of the couch. I don't remember much then. Eventually I made it to my room at the end of the house next to my parents room. In my later years I soon found the last thing you want is to be that close to your parents. Although I never had my own room until high school. Sharing it with my sister wasn't so bad. She was older and cool. I was her tail. She on the other hand had other feelings about the matter. There was one thing for certain we could at least agree on what we had in mind for decorating it. Brown was the original color of our walls, brown like poop, I'd say. It soon became a light blue. Which got too dirty and was way too light for my taste. I was young and it was cute for my age.Then a raspberry purple, which I happen to love but my mother thinks is way too dark. With that color became me. I bloomed I decorated my room all on my own. I had no sister to tell my otherwise. Or a mother who wanted to deal with a teenager with an attitude.My room is my sanctuary. My comfort zone. No one is allowed in but me.

First Kiss

Jake Alexander Davis. I was twelve and so were you. We knew one another for no more than a week. But it felt as though I knew you my whole life. Your campsite was seven away from mine. We met at the beach one day, while I was walking alone. I spotted you from the distance playing volleyball with your friends. I kept thinking to myself how badly I wanted to go over and join you. Eventually one day as I was walking by the volleyball came my way. I picked up the sandy white ball, dusted it off and threw it to you. You asked if I wanted to join. In my mind I didn't feel you needed to ask. Everyday after you and I would play volleyball in the humid august sun, go swimming in the crystal clear lake , ride our bikes through the dirt trails, and go on long walks throught the entire park. With you I felt wanted for once in my life. You were the first to see a side of me never seen before until you.I was alive! The evening before you left, you asked me to meet you at the bike rack at the edge of the volleyball court. We planned to meet at dark. I was to tell my aunt that I would be on the nature hike that was taking place that evening so I could see you. As I came upon the bike rack there you were. Y0ur sandy brown hair, and red and black mongoose bike. You smiled when so saw that I was actually there. I smiled back. And the craziest feeling of happiness set in. Getting on our bikes we made our way to the boat launch where we were alone. Conversations with you were simple. Unlike the ones I have now that I'm older, and life's so much more complicated. The hours passed by and dark filled the night sky. Making our way to the beach, we sat on an old wooden bench, with engravings of peoples names covering the face of it. Looking at the water I commented on how beautiful the water was as it rippled towards the shore line. Not soon after fireworks illuminated the sky. Along with the bright moon above. Making a pathway through the water towards us. At the moment I saw that you were moving closer to me. I knew you were going to kiss me. I was ready as ready could be. You leaned in and I did the same. When suddenly we were interrupted by your brother and my sister. My aunt said it was way too late for me to be out on a nature hike and I was to go back to the campsite immediately. Though his brother knew what was going on. He convinced my sister to let the two of us walk back together. Taking the long dark trail that led from the beach to the campgrounds. Walking through canopy of trees holding your hand you spun me around and kissed me. I felt incredible. And to this day I still remember you like it was yesterday.

Sarah

Sarah Elizabeth MacGregor, once belonging to Sarah Elizabeth Lincoln. My great-great grandmother. A name that was never mine. But is mine now. I read somewhere Sarah is Hebrew for Princess. As a child I secretly wished to be one, Dreaming that if it were true, All the things I wanted could have. I would have big canopy bed with a vanity beside, a white chair where I would sit and brush my long golden ringlets that would bounce off my shoulders like they were alive and wild. The white of my dress would compliment my skin giving off a radiant glow. But that was only a dream to dream. I dream which faded off into the horizon with time. My dreams changed to the practical ways of the world. And though I was never a princesss at the ball, I later became a dancer. That's where my dreaming began again. Through dance I'm as elegant and graceful as a princess. And for a moment I am that princess again. And I feel the child within me. When I'm not dancing I'm just Sarah simple and plain. I often wonder if Sarah Elizabeth Lincoln felt simple and plain. Or maybe she felt like a Princess. Her dreams reaching as far as the stars. Holding onto her youth into her old age.

my thoughts on journals

Keeping a journal has always been something that I have wanted to do. But it seems as though I could never get past a few entries...I always seem to forget that I have the journal.But I'm very open minded to try it all again. My mind is so scatterbrained that a journal will be a nice way to organize all my thoughts.I like writing about everything that is on my mind..but not terribly personal things..just things I like, don't like, People, and place I want to go.